Frank’s Favorite Proofs Of God’s Existence!
Selected & Compiled from: "Hundreds of Proofs of God’s Existence"
Formerly: "Over Three Hundred Proofs of God’s Existence"
ARGUMENT FROM BEAUTY, a.k.a. DESIGN/TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (II)
(1) Isn't that baby/sunset/flower/tree beautiful?
(2) Only God could have made them so beautiful.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM MIRACLES (I)
(1) My aunt had cancer.
(2) The doctors gave her all these horrible treatments.
(3) My aunt prayed to God and now she doesn't have cancer.
(4) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM FEAR
(1) If there is no God then we're all going to not exist after we die.
(2) I'm afraid of that.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM BELIEF
(1) If God exists, then I should believe in Him.
(2) I believe in God.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM NUMBERS
(1) Billions of people believe in God.
(2) They can't all be wrong, can they?
(3) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM GUITAR MASTERY
(1) Eric Clapton is God.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM AMERICAN EVANGELISM
(1) Telling people that God exists makes me filthy rich.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM BLINDNESS (II)
(1) God is love.
(2) Love is blind.
(3) Stevie Wonder is blind.
(4) Therefore, Stevie Wonder is God.
(5) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM FALLIBILITY
(1) Human reasoning is inherently flawed.
(2) Therefore, there is no reasonable way to challenge a proposition.
(3) I propose that God exists.
(4) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM SMUGNESS
(1) God exists.
(2) I don't give a crap whether you believe it or not; I have better things to do than to try to convince you morons.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM META-SMUGNESS
(1) Fuck you.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM MANIFESTATIONS
(1) If you turn your head sideways and squint a little, you can see an image of a bearded face in that tortilla.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM INCOMPLETE DEVASTATION
(1) A plane crashed killing 143 passengers and crew.
(2) But one child survived with only third-degree burns.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM POSSIBLE WORLDS
(1) If things had been different, then things would be different.
(2) That would be bad.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM NONBELIEF
(1) The majority of the world's population are nonbelievers in Christianity.
(2) This is just what Satan intended.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM EMOTIONAL BLACKMAIL
(1) God loves you.
(2) How could you be so heartless to not believe in him?
(3) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM SACRIFICIAL BLACKMAIL
(1) Jesus died for your sins.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM INCOHERENT BABBLE
(1) See that person spazzing on the church floor babbling incoherently?
(2) That's how God's infinite wisdom reveals itself.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
OPRAH'S ARGUMENT (I)
(1) The human spirit exists.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
OPRAH'S ARGUMENT (II)
(1) Check out this video segment.
(2) Now how can anyone watch that and NOT believe in God?
(3) Therefore, God exists.
CALVIN'S ARGUMENT, a.k.a. TERTULLIAN'S ARGUMENT
(1) If God exists, then he will let me watch you be tortured forever.
(2) I rather like that idea.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM HISTORY
(1) The Bible is true.
(2) Therefore, the Bible is historical fact.
(3) The Bible says that God exists.
(4) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM LONELINESS
(1) Christians say that Jesus is their best friend.
(2) I'm lonely, and I want a best friend.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM CREATIVE INTERPRETATION
(1) God is:
(a) The feeling you have when you look at a newborn baby.
(b) The love of a mother for her child.
(c) That little still voice in your heart.
(d) Humankind's potential to overcome their difficulties.
(e) How I feel when I look at a sunset.
(f) The taste of ice cream on a hot day.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM SUPERIORITY
(1) If God does not exist, then I am an inferior being, since I am not "special" in a cosmic sense.
(2) But I am superior because I am a Christian.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM ABSOLUTE MORAL STANDARDS
(1) If there are absolute moral standards, then God exists.
(2) Atheists say that there are no absolute moral standards.
(3) But that's because they don't want to admit to being sinners.
(4) Therefore, there are absolute moral standards.
(5) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM HUMAN NECESSITY
(1) Atheists say that they don't need God.
(2) Which just goes to show that they need God.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM HIDDEN LOGIC (I)
(1) Intellectually, I know that the existence of God is impossible, or vastly improbable.
(2) But I must put on the appearance of being cool and intellectual in front of my Christian apologist peers.
(3) Therefore, I must pretend that (1) is false.
(4) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM HIDDEN LOGIC (II)
(1) Atheists say that God doesn't exist.
(2) But they only say that because they want to look cool and intellectual in front of their peers.
(3) They don't fool me!
(4) Therefore, God exists.
KENT HOVIND'S ARGUMENT
(1) I don't want to work for a living.
(2) I don't want to pay taxes.
(3) I can get gullible fundamentalists to send me money.
(4) I can use religious exemption claims to tie the IRS up in court.
(5) The IRS can't send me to prison.
(6) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM KENT HOVIND'S CHALLENGE
(1) Kent Hovind offers $250,000 (which may or may not exist) to anyone who can demonstrate evolution (defined as a natural, acausal origin of the universe) to a reasonable doubt (meaning with 100% certainty, allowing for no other possibilities whatsoever) in front of a neutral committee (handpicked by Hovind himself) and according to certain criteria (carefully worded so as to rule out any possibility whatsoever of the challenge ever being met).
(2) No atheist has ever met this challenge.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM PERSONAL SANITY
(1) I've had religious experiences that can't be explained unless I'm insane or God exists.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM INSTITUTIONAL LONGETIVITY
(1) The Roman Catholic Church has been around for a long time.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM BIBLICAL HISTORY
(1) Many modern historians think that there probably was somebody named Jesus, maybe.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
BENDER’S ARGUMENT (I)
(1) One day, demons were tap-dancing on my roof. I prayed and they went away.
(2) Therefore, demons are really good dancers.
(3) Also, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM SPEAKING IN TONGUES
(1) My friend here, once started spontaneously speaking some jibberish that sounded to me kind of like Russian.
(2) But neither he nor I know anything about Russian.
(3) The only explanation is God.
(4) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM OFFENSE
(1) God exists.
(2) [Atheist makes counterarguments.]
(3) You know what? I am offended.
(4) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM NEUROSCIENCE
(1) Scientists say a portion of our brain may be responsible for mystical experiences.
(2) God must have created our brain like that.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM EYEWITNESS (SOMETIMES FOLLOWS OR COMBINED WITH LACK OF EYEWITNESS I)
(1) Someone wrote the creation story in the Bible.
(2) That someone must have been an eyewitness to the described events.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM PREFERRED ANCESTRY
(1) I don't want to be related to monkeys.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM JESUS SAID STUFF
(1) Jesus said some really cool stuff.
(2) No one else had said that stuff.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF EVIDENCE (II) (MODIFIED SIMPSON’S ARGUMENT)
(1) God, if you exist, please give me absolutely no sign.
(2)
(3) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM TERRORISM (I)
(1) Terrorists destroyed the WTC, killing thousands.
(2) One piece of the rubble sort of looks like a cross.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM TERRORISM (II)
(1) A plane was hijacked by terrorists.
(2) The passengers prayed and attacked the terrorists.
(3) The plane crashed into a field, killing all aboard.
(4) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM SPAGHETTI
(1) A few people saw something weird in a bowl of spaghetti.
(2) Some Catholics believe that it is the Virgin Mary.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM MONEY
(1) All U.S. currency contains the motto "In God We Trust."
(2) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM A BAD TRIP
(1) I went to a party and took LSD.
(2) I saw demons attacking me.
(3) Then Jesus came and drove the demons away.
(4) So I joined the Assemblies of God.
(5) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM A GOOD TRIP
(1) I went to a party and took LSD.
(2) I saw God and Jesus, and they love me.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM PRAYER (II)
(1) When I pray, either it comes true or God has a better plan.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM PAIN AVOIDANCE
(1) If I don't believe God exists, I'll go to Hell.
(2) Please don't hurt me.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM MOUNTAINS
(1) People used to think gods lived on Mt. Olympus.
(2) We've climbed Mt. Olympus and there were no gods there.
(3) Therefore, pagan gods are false.
(4) Therefore, the Christian God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM INVISIBILITY
(1) God is invisible.
(2) I can't see God.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM FALWELL
(1) Jerry Falwell said some really stupid things after September 11th.
(2) Then he apologized!
(3) He was inspired by God to repent!
(4) No, it had nothing to do with the public outcry!
(5) Why? Because God told me so!
(6) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM QUANTUM PHYSICS
(1) Quantum physics uses an uncertainty principle.
(2) There is room for God.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM SONG
(1) The song "America the Beautiful" has the line "God shed his grace on thee."
(2) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM COMFORT
(1) All kinds of people have found comfort in religion.
(2) That means there must be something there to give comfort to them.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM LACK OF IMAGINATION
(1) I couldn't imagine not believing in God.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM WOW
(1) When I look into the sky and see all the pretty stars, all those galaxies...
(2) Wow.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM ARMCHAIR PSYCHOANALYSIS
(1) You say there's no God?
(2) Ah, someone calling themselves Christian must have really hurt you in the past.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM THE BIBLE (II)
(1) The Bible says the Bible is true.
(2) Therefore the Bible is true.
(3) The Bible says God exists.
(4) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM BIBLICAL PRESERVATION
(1) The Bible hasn't changed much since it was written.
(2) Therefore everything in it must be true.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM CHURCH
(1) Lots of people go to church.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM FALSE MYTHOLOGY
(1) The old religions were myths and were wrong.
(2) And, they didn't believe in the same god as me.
(3) Therefore, I must be right.
(4) Therefore, God exists.
RAY COMFORT'S ARGUMENT FROM BANANAS, a.k.a. DESIGN/TELEOLOGICAL ARGUMENT (VIII)
(1) Bananas have many characteristics that make them attractive as primate food.
(2) They couldn't be used by women for that!
(3) They're so good that they must have been designed, just like Coke cans.
(4) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM COAL MINERS (I)
(1) A bunch of miners got trapped.
(2) A bunch of people worked around the clock for a week to rescue them.
(3) They were all found alive.
(4) It must have been a miracle!
(5) Only God could have done that.
(6) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM COAL MINERS (II), a.k.a. YOU ONLY HEAR FROM THE SURVIVORS (I)
(1) A bunch of miners got trapped.
(2) A bunch of people worked hard to rescue them.
(3) One was found alive.
(4) He thanked God for his survival.
(5) Only God could have done that.
(6) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM PERSONAL INABILITY
(1) The Bible says Jesus turned water into wine.
(2) Can you turn water into wine?
(3) No? Well there ya go.
(4) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM TAXATION
(1) Churches don't pay taxes.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM HOSPITAL, a.k.a. ARGUMENT FROM MIRACLES (II)
(1) A dear relative of mine was terminally ill and undergoing extensive surgery in the hospital.
(2) My whole family sat outside the O.R. and prayed through the entire eight hours of surgery.
(3) He lived.
(4) No, the highly trained physicians had nothing to do with it, unbeliever!
(5) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM COLTRANE
(1) John Coltrane's "A Love Supreme" is dedicated to God.
(2) John Coltrane's "A Love Supreme" is full of passion.
(3) Atheists cannot explain Coltrane's passion in "A Love Supreme."
(4) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM GEORGE HARRISON
(1) George Harrison wrote "My Sweet Lord."
(2) It's one of the most beautiful pop songs ever, and one of the only pop songs devoted to God.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM BEING A CATHOLIC
(1) The pope believes in God.
(2) The pope is infallible.
(3) I am Catholic and like the pope.
(4) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM ELVIS (ADAPTED FROM A CHURCH SIGN)
(1) Some people call Elvis the King.
(2) But we know Jesus is King.
(3) Even non-believers can have a glimpse of wisdom.
(4) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM ALIENS
(1) Everyone knows that aliens don't exist.
(2) Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.
(3) Oh, but God's different!
(4) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM PULP FICTION
(1) God came down from heaven, and stopped those motha-fuckin' bullets.
(2) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM ABSURDITY
(1) Let's imagine that God doesn't exist.
(2) That's absurd.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM SCHIZOPHRENIA
(1) I hear voices in my head.
(2) The voices say they are God.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM BATHROOM
(1) I have to pee.
(2) Our bodies are perfectly designed so that we can do this.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM RESPECT
(1) You have to respect my right to believe that God exists.
(2) You also have to respect my right to believe that I don't have to respect your right to believe that God doesn't exist.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM JOHN LENNON
(1) John Lennon once said that the Beatles were more popular than Jesus.
(2) I didn't like that.
(3) Somebody killed him for saying that.
(4) Obviously, God didn't like him saying that, either.
(5) Therefore, God exists.
EVANDER HOLYFIELD'S ARGUMENT FROM BOXING DEFEAT
(1) I prayed to Jesus for help in knocking out my opponent.
(2) I lost.
(3) Therefore God wanted me to learn something / build character and / or God works in mysterious ways.
(4) Therefore, God exists.
ARGUMENT FROM RISK AVERSION, a.k.a. PASCAL'S WAGER (IV)
(1) Some people said I’d suffer for eternity if I don’t believe in God.
(2) I don’t like risks, no matter how minute.
(3) Therefore, God exists.
